so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
