I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
