the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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