so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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