I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
