I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize