you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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