If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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