Plan B is the new Plan A
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize