Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
