Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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