yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
