i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I believe in your delicious
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
