if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
