Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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