god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
