not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
