Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
