I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize