my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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