Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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