Tell her she can't have a vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
