Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
