i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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