HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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