note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
