this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You took a bar mat shot.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
