I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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