is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
