at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Panties = found
Randomize
