Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
