whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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