You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
