this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
