Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
