Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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