We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
