and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
