Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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