Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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