you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think your dad took our porno
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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