Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
