i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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