Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
