Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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