Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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