You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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