i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
