You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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