i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
