Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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