Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This house was built for laser tag.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
