giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
worst night to have a conscience
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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