I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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