The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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