I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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