I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so explain again why im purple
no
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
