i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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