dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
