Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
