I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
