I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
