My underwear smells like fireworks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
