Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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