He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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