all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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