he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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