i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
