im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
