Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
