btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
