drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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