I just threw up on my dentist
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize