She said her name was "party"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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