I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
