new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
