i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
