69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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