I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
