but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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