I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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