So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize