Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
