I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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