i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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