oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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