Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
