I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
