How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
