i was rollin on her like bob the builder
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
