I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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