I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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