walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize