Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
