she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
