her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
