stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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