If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize