no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
