so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think my fart just growled at me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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