Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
