The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
