his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
