the condom got lost in my hair
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
