yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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