Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
