five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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