either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
